Dilemma.
I recently had a conversation with someone about the infamous “biological clock” that apparently ticks in every woman once she hits her mid-20’s. For the longest time I just thought the whole clock thing was all psychological – social pressure placed on women to become wives and mothers. But the truth is, this biological clock is real and has consequences. Having a child over the age of 35 can increase the chances of a troubled pregnancy and possibly jeopardize the health of the baby. I’ve had this conversation many times before but I don’t know what made this particular one different. But since that day, I kept asking myself…
Damn, what do I do about this?
A woman’s biological clock does affect my life but I’m not sure how to respond to it. Anyone that knows me knows that I am all about having a family. I look forward to the day that I meet that special woman and get to share the beauty of parenthood. But I’m 28 years old and as much as I want to have a child, I won’t until I’m mentally, emotionally and financially ready. Given my life as an entrepreneur, the 3rd requirement may not happen for another few years. There’s a realistic chance that I won’t be ready to have a child until my mid-30’s – just around the time where women my age reach the breaking point.
So should I even look to be with women my age?
I know every case is different and nothing is set in stone but who wants to play percentages when it comes to childbirth? If I end up with someone who is my age, can I resist the urge to stress that we should have a child sooner than later? What if she, like me, is still working on her career and couldn’t deal with being pregnant? Is it fair to me, our future baby? Obviously I don’t view 30-year-old women as damaged goods but all things equal, should I really factor in age?
I don’t know what I’m going to do or how my view on this matter will change. Perhaps I won’t even have a choice because love can hit you when you least expect it.
If only that fountain of youth thing was real…
"Obviously I don’t view 30-year-old women as damaged goods..."--You should.
ReplyDelete@ Matt...hush :)
ReplyDelete@ Jus: Honestly, for some *ahem* the clock doesn't start ticking until she hit's thirty +. You have time. Yes, the health concerns are real, but if your special young woman is healthy, just push back that 35 to 45.
BTW, I know you'll be a fantastic father!
Some people say that when the right woman comes along, it doesn't matter what barriers a man thinks may stand in the way, he will want to settle down and start a family. Unfortunately, some men may be a little TOO focused on their career to even notice if the right woman comes/came along, stays/stood a while and decides/decided to move on.
ReplyDeleteIt seems like you assume that when you (as a man) are ready to have a child, if you are with a woman in her 30s, that things will be complicated because of her age. What if (God forbid), the woman is healthy enough to have children in her 30s, but that man is infertile? :-/ Will she stay by his side?
Regarding this question "So should I even look to be with women my age?" I believe that age should be the last thing considered when contemplating who to spend the rest of your life with and/or who to raise a family with. Do you communicate well? Do you have similar interests? Assuming both of you could bear children, do you think your life partner will raise your children in a healthy way? Do you think this person will be by your side if (God forbid), you become terminally ill? Do you think this person is capable of betraying you (financially, sexually, emotionally, etc.)? There is a lot to consider... I know a 30 year old man that married a 40+ year old woman. He understands he will not have children of his own, but he is comfortable with that because he loves his wife more than anything else.
When I was 18, I blissfully dreamed of being married by 22 and having my 2-3 children by 26. At 28 I look back and I am kind of happy I didn't take that route. My maternal clock has not started clicking...not sure why. It may be because I am surrounded by young, single mothers that do not seem 100% happy with their lives, maybe it's because I don't have the right man by my side, or maybe it's because I too don't feel mentally, emotionally, physically and/or financially ready. Truthfully, the more time I spend living/working/breathing for me, myself and I, the less I think about the possibility of living for someone else, someone I have helped create, someone that will help my legacy live on.
In speaking to people that are married, financially secure and entering the chapter called "Parenthood," it seems like you can never be 100% ready to raise a family. At some point, though, we may just have to let go a little and I'm sure everything will fall into place.