Lessons Learned
I am looking forward to becoming a parent one day. I plan on being a good father that’s engaged in my children’s lives. I have my father to thank for this. The irony is, I haven’t seen my father in nearly 25 years. His absence and mistakes taught me what not to do when I become a dad. When Kim Kardashian divorced Kris Humphries after only 72 days, I’ll admit, I laughed along with everyone else. Its no coincidence that this season of Kourtney and Kim take New York have record high ratings but while most want to see a sinking ship, I’m trying to get educated. A marriage that ends faster than a season of Dexter will provide you with enough “do not’s” to fill up a notepad.
After watching several episodes this season, their mistakes are so obvious that they are almost comical. First and foremost, without good communication, no marriage can last. Good communication means bringing up important topics, even if they may cause conflict. For Kim and Kris to get married without even deciding where they would live is absurd. Kim thought that they would raise their family in Los Angeles because of her family and career (obviously) and Kris wanted to live in Minnesota because its his home state (obviously). There’s very little middle ground here. LA and Minnesota are polar opposites of each other. How is it possible that this topic didn’t come up prior to the wedding? The answer, they have horrible communication.
When Kim and Kris moved in to their New York hotel room to film Kim’s show, Kim couldn’t deal with Kris’ messiness. He wasn’t clean as she would have liked and really doubted if she could ever tolerate living with him. This little nugget of gold helped solidify a long-standing belief that I’ve had that two people should live together for a period of time before getting married. We all know how it feels to deal with a horrible roommate - now imagine having to put up with that person for the rest of your life. You wouldn’t buy a car without a test drive, so why would you agree to share your life with someone without knowing what its like to actually share a life with him or her? While its possible to have a successful marriage without living together first, after saying, “I do” is a poor time to start noticing red flags.
One subtle thing that I noticed while watching this show was how little Kris respects Kim’s career. Say what you want of Kim’s talent or lack thereof, she’s very successful and is worth much more than Kris Humphries. However when the two of them interact, Kris seems to be the only one that doesn’t realize that. For one, Kris automatically assumed that it would be Kim to dial back her career to assume the traditional “wife” duties while he continues playing basketball. Furthermore, in a discussion about raising kids, Kris told Kim that they should live in Minnesota because, “by the time you have kids, no one will care who you are.” Ouch. I’m not sure Kris realizes that Kim will still be making money long after he will be able to grab a rebound and it’s not far fetched that in 10 years, he would be a stay at home dad. You have to admire your spouse for the person that they are and what they contribute to the world around them. If not, it will become a catalyst of every argument that you have.
Lastly, neither one of them were ready for marriage. You don’t need an entire episode to realize that Kris is immature. His inability to have a serious conversation, tendency for pranks and his inappropriate comments makes him more qualified to be a frat boy than a husband. At only 25, he’s simply not ready for the lifelong commitment of marriage. And after several public breakups and a private divorce (a divorce that she conveniently forgot to tell Kris about until after they were engaged), Kim isn’t exactly a relationship expert. It’s your classic, “if you are still single after all these years, you’re the problem” conundrum. It’s clear that Kim lacks the personality and/or skills to keep a man. At 31 and feeling pressure to start a family, Kim is more willing to force the issue with someone rather than focus on improving herself. A happy marriage isn’t just about picking the right person; it’s about making sure that you are a worthy spouse as well.
Relationships are complex and marriage is hard. If you don’t respect that fact – like say, broadcasting your marriage on national television and profit off of it like a Wall Street deal (hypothetically, of course) – you might as well have the divorce papers filled out on your way down the aisle. It’s said that one can learn more from failure than success. Being able to see the pitfalls before you walk a path is invaluable. Kim and Kris’ divorce is an opportunity to correct your relationship errors before you make them. Simply doing the opposite (a la George Costanza) of what you see from Kim and Kris won’t guarantee you 50 years of bliss… it will, at the very least, get you to day 73.
Note: I debated on holding off on this post until after the season ended because with every passing episode, I found more to write about. I decided to go with what I had because this post was starting to get too long (lol). It would have been a bit poetic if it did take me longer to write this post than their marriage lasted, but I digress.
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