Daddy, why don't I have good hair?

The Natural

It’s not everyday that you expect a movie to completely change how you view the world but Chris Rock made that happen for me a few years ago.  When I sat down on the couch to watch Good Hair, I got up off that couch a different person.  I knew that “black hair” was complex but I didn’t realize that my knowledge to that point was essentially the tip of an iceberg the size of Mt. Everest.  Chris made the movie in response to his 5-year-old daughter asking why she didn’t have “good hair”.  He wanted to make a film that not only educated but also made his little girl feel good about herself.  I was asked if I were to have a daughter, would I let her have a perm?  My answer was and still is a resounding “no”.

No person in this world has to deal with more image issues than the black woman.  Not only do they have to deal with all of the regular body issues that all females have to face, but they also have the pressure and insecurity of competing with their white counterparts. (Unfortunately, we still live in a world where slim, blue eyes and blond hair are still the standard of beauty.)  For decades black women have done everything to hide their curves, straighten their hair and alter their skin tone, eyes, nails and nose to try and fit the mold.  I am ashamed to say that for much of my life, I contributed to this problem.  I used to make fun of girls who didn’t get a perm and had coarse hair.  I favored light skin over dark and made comments like “Latinas had the best of both worlds because they had curves and ‘good’ hair.”  I was a teenager when all of this happened but it doesn’t make it any better.  It wasn’t fair to girls then and it’s still not fair to them now.  Their hair wasn’t the problem, I was.

Today, I look at my soon to be wife as the epitome of beauty.  She hasn’t had a perm in well over a year and my favorite of her hairstyles often involves just letting her curls flow wild and free.  It’s the perfect representation of everything that I value in a woman – powerful, uninhibited and genuine.  I try not to let a day go by without telling her how amazing she looks.  I want her to understand that she doesn’t need to put damaging toxic chemicals on her skin to artificially straighten her hair or feel the need to wear an Indian woman’s hair to get my attention.  So if I have a daughter, I want to instill the same kind of confidence and self-worth.  It’s not about saying “no” to my daughter if she requests a perm, if I am doing my job correctly, she’ll never want to ask the question in the first place.

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